Wanderings

Wanderings
It is the new faces I see every day for they somehow help fill the empty spaces around my heart. The emptiness of failed loves, failed friendships, those on the hidden part of the circle of life. The infusion of new emotions, ideas and intuition restore the remembered truth. The truth being that my whole life has been a wandering and has ebbed and flowed with the tides of my revelations and truths. The emptiness is nothing but a space waiting to be filled for if I was filled with myself and my own beliefs I would not be a vessel that could satisfy your need for giving and my hunger to receive.
As I wander I find that the length of time in travel shortens and the time of rest, rejuvenation and exchange gets longer. The purpose of the journey, usually of less importance than my label for it somehow dims into the mirage of yesterday and the waning enthusiasm and fantasies of the start.
The fabric of my thoughts are now interwoven with the threads of the motel owner from California, the inn keeper from Canada, the lifelong resident owner of a flea market, the server at the mom and pop diner, and the bar tender at the steak house willing to cut up my steak.
I think of home and it seems that each succeeding trip leaves me with less than before. Sometimes wonder if the 25 year friendship is of greater consequence than the four day acquaintance of lightning fast exchanges. I suddenly realize that I have already romanticized the exchange and know that there is always warmth, security and much effort behind the friendships of home. But we must always remember that paths are either wanting to diverge or merge leaving us, often surprised and in anguish. A 35 year marriage ends because one or both forgot to tell the other they now feel differently. The relationships at home are actually sometimes improved but remember, the 4 day exchange with the inn keeper has forever changed you as it has her.

Carl James

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